Every day I wake up feeling numb Not numb as in I’m dumb But numb as in I’m empty Empty because my brain hasn't caught up with the rest of me When I feel empty I'm at peace But after a while the peace is shattered as my brain regains its control of me It teases me with the first move i make It tells me things that make my heart and my head ache But there’s nothing i can do about this because i need it No i don't need all this oversensitivity No i don't need these intrusive thoughts And no i don't need these tears At least that's what I think Now these things are all i know they're who i am Rather than having an identity and a sense of self-worth I have these They aren’t weapons or armor that I can use Instead they’re heavy cases that I must carry every day because as much as i hate them and as much i wish i didn't have them I need them because now they're who i am People think I’m strong people think I’m brave People think that I'm happy and nothing can bring me down But they don't understand what it's like to carry these cases to have them drag me down To have the thing i need to live constantly kick me around
People call themselves crazy or say that normal is “bad” But when i let them know what i see and how I feel They always think i'm mad Not because of the things I say but because of how I feel I feel like I'm not here i feel like i'm gone I feel like i leave my body as soon as something goes wrong But i never speak up i never talk out Because if I do people will think i'm bad They’ll think i'm out to get them or they'll think my intentions are bad But really all i need is someone who understands What it's like to be dragged and kicked around by the thing under skin and bone and strands of hair All i really need is someone who will let me share But i don't get this so I carry on Bloodied bruised and beaten by thing that tells my heart to beat and my lungs to take in air
the last time i was this bad was nov of last year now im just tryna keep busy....summer rules amirite