I don't recall how long I was on the floor.
My knees buckled;
Gravity betrayed me.
Crawling to bed, I slipped into his shirt.
It still smelled like home.
There was no solace.
I laid in bed day after day.
Word had spread through merciless mouths,
My pitiless inner turmoil
Now casual conversation.
Hushed sympathies and cynicism.
Confirmed expectations like bullets,
ripping through my skin.
I had plans for us,
and I swallow those words;
A pill that chokes me.

Part of me is still in that house.
Part of me is still living out my days,
with you.
A life that only exists in fragments,
sharpened edges of memories.
They cut to the bone.
I see you like an apparition.
I am defeated,
Sadness taking a physical form.
My delusion fades into reality,
I see your hand slip away.
In this reality, I am defeated,
but I am reaching still.