it doesn't seem like summer anymore
this untangle of distance between me
and waiting for me to be me
it feels like too long weekends
and a too long endless errand
it doesn't feel like gloss and honey
like sun rays hitting suntanned tummies
it doesn't feel safe
just like i'm playing too safe
like the sun just makes me insane

and so i purchase to feel
wear to trick people into thinking
i am worth something just by
the linen and cotton that cover this decay
i call a body
i'm forgetting days
like they're old phone numbers
i just remember the beat to my favorite song
the chords i play on my guitar
the agony of symptoms that lasted too long

the never-answered questions of
am i doing enough?

because the answer is always no
and i'm stuck in a non existent loophole
where everything is go or no go
and god knows we can't have both
and so i'm stuck again, between truth and false
between me and feeling
between feeling or falling

seeing or fleeting.