“Let me tell you,” she said as she reached
For her glasses making her eyes to be
At least five times their original size.
“Let me tell you right now, you don’t know anything.
Hard times, these aren’t hard times, why I remember
A time during the great depression when all we had to eat
Were a few soda crackers everyday, I ate so many
Soda crackers I could wipe my backside with
A wisk broom – Now those were hard times.”

“I know Grandma; I know you’ve been through a lot,”
I said as I held her by the arm trying to get her into
My little compact Japanese gas saver car.
I held her from bumping her head on the top of the car
So that she could try to get one leg into the
Floor of the front passenger seat.
“Watch your head Grandma.”

“You look the other way, how in the name of heaven
Do they expect someone do get into these tiny little bugs?
I said for you to look the other way,
Can’t you see I’m in a dress?
Now your Grandpa, rest his poor soul,
That man - at least he knew how to pick a car.
Why, you could put four of these little
Mutant Ninja Turtles in that old Buick we had
And still get two more in the trunk.
Where is that old Buick anyway?”

“Remember Grandma, we sold it to pay
For your adjustable comfort bed,” I answered
As I - with my head turned - lifted her other leg
And eased it into the car.
“Let’s put on your seat belt, Grandma.”

She slapped my hand and stomped the floor saying,
“Stop it, stop it, don’t you put that noose around my head.
I’ve been riding in cars for Nye on sixty years
And I’ve never worn a seat belt and I ain’t about
To start a wearing one now.
Ted, it’s your responsibility not to hit anything -
And if you can’t drive good enough to keep from
Hitting anything in the five miles to Doctor Langston’s
Office then you can just go right back in the house and
Get that shoe horn of mine and come back out here
And wedge me back out of this torture box.”

Caught up in oblivion, shutting the car door carefully,
While shaking my head, I wondered what
Mortal sin I had committed that created these
Circumstances where I had to be subjected to the
Wrath of my Grandmother’s dominance.
Once underway I reminded her,
“I’m not Ted Grandma, I’m *****, remember me?
I’m Ted's son; *****: Ted had to work today so I’m taking
You to the doctor.” She looked at me through
Those thickened glasses and then tightened her grip
On the purse lying in her lap.
Then she turned her head looking out the side
Window as the trees and mailboxes passed by.

All three of the red lights on the way to the doctor’s office
Were green and we made it there it record time.
I pulled into a parking spot and looked towards her
And said, “Here we are safe and sound.”

She turned her head away from the side window and then
She looked oddly at her purse saying, “I have a confession
To make Ted, I mean *****.”
Like a small child caught with her hand in the cookie jar
She continued, “I really don’t have a doctor’s appointment today.”

“What do you mean Grandma?”

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes,” I just get so
Darned lonely sometimes, *****. So lonely that I think
That I’m going out of my mind.” Then she looked back
At her purse as a tear ran off the side of her cheek.

I felt her pain and I knew a little about loneliness.
I reached over with my right hand placing it on her left
And asked, “How would you like to go to the park
Today Grandma?”

She looked up saying, “Only if I can have a hot dog.”