No one will ever know my perspective on this story.

Only because judgement is clouded by everyone's bias and opinions.

I never wanted to cause more pain.

But I wish I could erase all that broke these friendships.

I can't think
I can't sleep
I can't work
I don't talk
I don't eat
I listen to the same playlist
Over
And over

No one will ever know what really happened to us. Unless you call on everyone to give up the truth in exchange for consequence.

You know the saddest ******* thing I've heard?

A guy I know was holding his girlfriend while she was sick. Her sister asks if he's helping her.

He says...

"I'm no good at taking care of people."

You know what?

I'm not good at it either.

Nobody knows how sick it all makes me.
Or how sick I am.
So much pain caused by a few mistakes..

And nobody deserved to suffer for months.
Nobody needed to hurt for this long.

I'm drunk on my emotions again.

And as unapologetic as I could be... I'm not.

My life has changed. And I don't know if anyone will ever truly understand that.

So I am sorry.

But I've also spent the last 4 hours writing this disaster of a poem.
And yet...

I still feel empty.
Like everything was taken away from me.
Not taken by anyone or anything.

But just... gone.

Once again, learning to live alone.

Or maybe just learning to live at all.

So...

I guess this informal goodbye is all I can really offer.
Until I come back better.
Or until somebody reaches back with a clean slate, and an open mind.

I'm not as sad as I was about it all.
But it is pain I'd wish away if I could.

Don't go blaming anyone you see fit.
Just take this for what it is.

Time.
Time saved
Time apart
Time spent doing all the wrong things

Because at the end of it all...

This is still my life.