This is the story of an aching love. A hopeless schoolgirl kind of thing. He was a basketball star player on The Monticello Mustangs team, Not showy, but quiet and a little shy. He was glorious to look at through the lenses of my brown eyes. I had to work to learn his name- it was Finnish, spelled Laulainen. I said it lots of different ways until I heard somebody say it right- Ed Law lie’ nen All the bells rang out and bluebirds sang As I crooned and whispered that magic name In the quiet of my room. I never had a class with him- he was a year ahead. He wasn’t part of rowdiness when passing in the halls from one lesson to the next. If he walked past I turned into A pillar of salt dyed crimson From the blood that burst my heart. I don’t recall now how I came to have it But I had a small creased snapshot of him and I slept with it under my pillow every night. I touched it and looked at it and imagined him touching me. The thought of him kissing me was far beyond my wildest dreams I suspect my mom knew it was there, but she never said a word And I guarded it like my virginity. And my best friend had no idea. He never knew I was alive- he didn’t know my name. I was one of the nameless girls That are present but unseen. One day I was sent to the cafeteria For something the teacher needed. Standing by the now closed door Was God Who Walked The Earth, Ed Laulainen in the flesh. The shock of standing next to him paralyzed my tongue. I dared not look at him and finally only said “Is anybody there”. Did he answer - I don’t know. I was terrified and in paroxysms of ecstasy. I was sharing the same air he breathed. He left Junior High for Senior High and I lost track of him. But I loved him with ferocious fervor and wishful longing If desire could have made him mine, Midas would have been poor by comparison. OccasionallyI think of him and the plain little girl who worshipped him. Where did he go - how did he grow - what kind of life did he live. In ten more years the little girl could have most anyone she wanted but the crinkled photo stayed in a trinket box for a long,long time before it washed away on the tides of new loves, real loves, and living. I wish I could see him once again to tell him the story of the little girl who chose him to love with all her soul and first flush of emotion. ljm
Many years ago, still makes me wistful to think about how I loved him.