I have given up every single noon
In the past few months,
And have gone to bed tired,
Wondering if I ever should feel,
What is the meaning as I start to weep?
Tears stain my cheeks,
The corner of my eyes red,
Swollen like petals folded out,
I stared out into the dark
And I saw darkness staring at me.
I asked my friend yesterday
What was the meaning of my life?
She never answered.

I saw adults fight,
I saw one scream,
And the other one kept on hitting.
I saw a blood pumped boy
Pull out an accessory sword
And wield it to ****.
I saw a young girl
Kneeling to God
And I saw her sister follow
But she gave up soon,
When she was touched by a man
She never even knew.

I saw hope burn up into flames
And I saw a veteran die blind in bed
All alone.
I saw the poor man dying in an empty stomach
Without his wife on his bedside
Who went out feeding strangers.
And I saw the rich rob people
Of their dignity.
I saw a father slapping his sick child
Because the medicines hadn't kicked in.
I saw a mother corrupted by cancer
As she prayed to heal others.
I saw a son grow to hate his father
And yet needing him.
I saw a daughter being failed
Even though she was the only one trying.
I saw a grown girl cover her eyes
To hide from her father.
I saw chairs flung onto the floor,
I saw glass smashed by bare hands,
I saw utensils fall into each other
And I saw quiet men enraged.
And I don't think
I ever once saw Him.

Yet I woke up this very morning
And for a few seconds
I couldn't make out my room,
And in that oblivion I realized
Hope wasn't in the good,
The happy moments
It was in the denial, the ignorance,
It was in the wait to die
And yet living.