sometimes I wonder what it will be like
if I see another day
I wonder if this will be the last thing I say

and by the way nothing turns out
how it's planned to be

and sometimes I'm just out doin my thing
tryin to be the best version of me
even the memories raise issues I tried to shed
got too many issues trapped up inside my head

what pride and humility just might do
what praise the phase of bruises black and blue
how's the self abusiveness?
how the tired toiling in uselessness

no, I'm not impressed with the work I've done
his shadow follows me even when I tried to run

some things never turn out how
they supposed to be
I guess the only one
I can change is me

one by one I count the pills inside my hand
ones for the hurt I give myself
and one is from that man

I feel a choke in the hold
the way he used to grab for the gold
silly putty organs
and flesh that molds

molds to the palms
molds to the fist
molds to the tears
molds each time he hits

cold confusion
swept up into the night
I say I'm sorry
but i know it's just a sorry night

somethings don't turn out how they
supposed to be
I guess the only one
I can change is me

self worth is weighed
by the gram
0.5 for me
and a pound for the man

heavy sedation
it's crazy what you remember
while wake walking in a dream state
apologies for the bad dreams
and hide the good ones to escape

burn baby burn
his love looks like fire
it isn't passion
it isn't lust
it's nothing to admire

3rd degree emotional burns
the each skin is sensitive
so **** whatever's heard

the man might say
it doesn't bother me
it's only that it's haunting me
I wish he would change
but only I can set me free