If I over use you
It's because I've gotten used to your feeling in my veins
Like a bolt of lightning blown through my body
Charred scars run the length of my arms
Reminding me to up my dosage next time
Hit me with your best shot they said 
And babe that's gotta be you
My eyes see everything in startling new color
As if the hues of reality aren't supposed to be monotone
And I never had a clue
If I inhale enough of your scent
Maybe I won't remember long enough to forgot
I pray that when I come back 
The imprint of your pillow will still be tattooed on my cheek 
The intricate creases that belonged to wrongfully stitched wounds
Mark their territory upon me
And I wish you would do the same
I watch myself light up the end of us 
Terrified that sobriety generates a pain I cannot mistake for beauty
Because I'm selfish 
I cling to the image of your light being injected into my body
I know you are tired
Yet I thrive on your weary head rested in my lap
I must be sick
because wellness doesn’t leave you surrounded in somebody else’s tears
Grasping at the ends of puddles
Watching water slip between your fingers
If drowning was easy
I’m sure you would have plugged your nose and dove in
desperate to detach from my bruised knuckles
wrapped like smoke around your head
Slithering into your lungs until the edges are burned black
Because maybe in the end I wanted you to look like me
Tried, lonely, lost
yet if you are another me, I must let you go
I cannot steal your sun light if there is nothing but night
once I set you free you can smile
but I doubt you’ll be able to muster the strength
because users don’t care who they hurt
especially themselves
so, if I over use you
it’s because I’ve gotten used to your feeling in my veins 
and I need a new high