It was as though I was afraid of living. I feared loving and being loved and when there was no one left and I was truly alone that this safe space became a bottomless vacuum, suffocating and toxic.

I was unsettled and anxious, caped and wrapped beneath the vast morning sky. And like a parable the dark clouds came and shifted at incredible speed before my eyes. It was as though the sun filtered past my lashes and through my mind, I was conscious and tingly warm.

I looked around at people bustling through the streets and suddenly I was dragged and pulled at. Strangely I wasn't screaming aloud but it was her that I heard, the girl who relentlessly banged on the walls of my quiescent heart.

And as I closed my eyes I returned into a construed box, sealed by my bare hands.

I was naked and ***** with fire in my eyes and nothing to my name.

The frustration built, temptation sung like a lullaby by the strongest of the Sirens. I was within and beside myself, lost in an aphotic wonderland, sitting beneath a tree neither in rest nor resignation but with indolence and disgust.

Help me, help me, help me I screamed but my body stayed abeyant as though waiting to be relieved by the death I knew I wouldn't be welcomed by.

The conflict within me rose and like an infant frustrated by a hat I tore at my body and soul.

I was awoken.

I was naked.

With scars, bruises, sins and nothing else but foam to my name.

So help me God, give me the strength and will to move. So help me God, give me the determination and motivation to live. Help me, I cry, lying in the same corner from the day before.