overcome by darkness
i look out into the distance
and try to see something more
than the fog and confusion taking over
my head and the self hatred that burns
in my chest.
there is nothing but empty space
that i am so afraid will soon be filled with
the same confusion and self hatred that
already grows within me.
and i cannot take anymore.
what i have is already far too much for me
to hold.


time after time i reach up towards the dark sky
in hopes that some devine being will reach back
and pull me out of this nothingness.
i cannot do it on my own.
i am not strong enough
i have learned this over and over again
and i am tired of falling back into the darkness.
most days i’d rather let it consume me.
it would be much easier than continuing
this sick game of crawling out of the darkness
just enough to get a glimpse of the light
only to fall back again.


i must not have been made to live in the light.