I see things everyday to potentially get me ******, I want to change it but what hurts the most is rarely do I really feel missed.  Bliss gets whisked away, and though I try to get by my mind goes into disarray.  I want to go out and play, have some fun outside of this hole, but not much is ever really under my control. I binge and cringe at how my past actions could've left me.   Girls and friends came and went, and there were times I felt like a deadbeat.  From what I wasn't told, 22 really is old. But I feel so much older. Words are actions too, and they can crush you like a boulder. I'm almost always cold and want something to warm my soul before this world chips too much at my head for it to take it's toll.  I always want to know but I get ever more aware how much the truth really hurts.  I guess it's best to take it when it comes in little spurts so you can at least prepare yourself for the road up ahead.  Maybe it's miniscule, to you, things that were said.  For me it was more than trivial, and boom, another scar to my head.  I don't wanna give you the wrong idea but so much of our everyday is left unclear and what's worse than feeling of fear is the probability of the actions behind it.  In life I have learned the hard way though that whatever happens, there'll be a day I won't mind it.