Will you ever know that smile
that I try to hide
when I think of something funny
In a moment that doesn't call for it?

will you ever know the sound of my laugh
when my stomach hurts from being hysterical?

will you ever know the difference between my laughs or my smiles?

like when I smile because I have to
or when I laugh because I'd otherwise be crying?

will you ever see the parts of me that aren't broken or damaged
will you ever see me as strong or brave
will you ever see me
as anything more
than something that needs rescuing?

will you ever know the different ways I fall apart
some so much more subtle than others

like when I bake for days on end
or can't keep my focus on anything
like when I talk too fast and too quiet
and can't pinpoint exactly what went wrong and where?

will you ever know the sound of raw truth in my voice
like when I tell you I love you
after telling you the more grisly and from details
about my past?

will you ever know how badly it hurts
to know that you've hurt?

will you ever be able to see past my facade of jaded apathy when the weight of my vast empathy is just too much to show at all times?

will you ever see me for the blinking spot of hope dancing on the dismal and dark horizon, like at one point I once was for someone.

will I ever be a strength
or forever a weakness?