stop reaching. you are pulling on a rope in a game of tug-of-war and nobody is on the other side. you are only getting burns on your hands and mud between your toes.
learn how to breathe. learn how to splash cold water on your face in the early hours of the morning, and be at peace with the fact that there is cold water running down your chest.
understand that time heals all. understand that he won't come back, no matter how hard you try. some love is not meant for the real world