Fear

I feared you in the same way I fear too much broken

I feared you in the same way I fear my own heart beat

I feared you in the same way a small child fears the push

Mother's hands on lower back

Bike wheels spinning spinning spinning

Too much fast

My anxieties are the only thing that keeps me warm

My bones are eternally full of chill

But my panic keeps me sober, somber, here.

I feared the way you bent over backwards to make sure I was breathing

I always knew I was wrong

or something in me wasn't right, my chemicals unbalanced

because my fear seemed to always overtake the fact that you were madly in love with my obsessions

Madly in love with the way my hair would stick to my cheeks in the midst of mad apprehension

So I sat down at my piano in the middle of a panic attack

And wrote you some songs and poems and such

I imagined I wasn't an erupting volcano

I imagined I wasn't your biggest mistake

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