i sat along the shore, waiting- god knows what for, but i was intent. maybe i was waiting for you to come back, like you always do. maybe i knew you weren't going to.

i could try. i could dream.

the sky went grey with clouds looming like they were full of judgement and not water- my anxiety swelled but i would not be deterred. i was waiting. the rain poured. something was bound to happen, though, and i didn't want to miss it.

the sun fled and the crowd dissipated and the city went on, cars pulsing through its veins but i stayed right there by the water looking out. my heart ached and melted but i swear i felt nothing.

i must've found eighty messages in eighty bottles and they all said the same thing. i didn't listen to a single one. i figured i hallucinated them.

my stomach hallowed and i tried to stand up but the tide dragged me back down. i saw a dolphin chasing a boat about fifty feet away and i tried to call out but it hurt. my lungs were on fire and the back of my throat tasted like bile as if my digestive tract was working on consuming myself, as if i was drowning but i couldn't have been drowning in two inches of water. the tourists with umbrellas and neon towels were long gone and my only company anymore was seaweed.

i was so terrified.


you didn't come back, and you weren't going to, and i knew it from the start but i didn't know what else to do.

at least the saltwater was washing away all the scars you left me. at least the rain would wash away the blood.