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Careena Dec 2018
You've not been feeling yourself
A dull kind of ache
A colorless vision

Feels too small to mention
Yet larger than comfortable
I see you inside

I sat in a field, once
Off topic, but it connects
I was thirteen and was offered
A fruit punch with Burnetts
I said no, but watched
As she did and spun around
In that field with that drink
And a sky full of stars

I felt small
In a snowglobe
The stars were just pieces
Of flakes ready to fall
I stared hard at them
And for the first time I saw
Their true light
Never constant
Brighter
Duller
Brighter

And as I reflect
I know that this much is true
Just as people are
Even the stars flicker too
Careena Oct 2018
It's not that this space
Aches in your lack
It's that it feels fuller
When you come back
I just want you to stay always
Careena Sep 2018
It clouds the way I see your face
Transports me to another place
Makes me dissect a warm embrace
Oh how I wish it wouldn't

I hate to hurt, from past and you
It's trained in me, nothing to do
With how we are, I see it through
You're wonderful, I have no clue

As if you whipped my heart to shape
Looked over like a wilted drape
I trained my heart to feel like crepe
Clutched like Ann Darrow by the ape

It is my way I have found
It lifts my feet from solid ground
Like a circus mirror it confounds
Leaves me foolish in it like a clown

I don't expect you to see
The way its wicked works on me
It's hard some days, but I will always be
Much more than my anxiety
It's not always bad, but it has its days. I love you
Careena Sep 2018
November
Crisp weather
Together
Again

Our sweaters
Blue and maroon
Were you nervious?
I was too.

Fingers inched
Memoried pinched
Heart strings tugged
Surely cinched

There we were
Together again
More than just
Two old friends

Tree limbs bare
Crunching brush
New old growth
Made me blush
I saw an old picture from almost two years ago and remembered how it felt when my heart was trying to get to know you again
Careena Aug 2018
Gritty, ***** earth
I would make a space
Defined edges and lines
A plant for every place

I would water it daily
Returning from a run
On the way to fetch the mail
Soaking up the sun

Divots in dirt
Turn to flowers in earth
And fruit within weeks
But for all that it's worth

I'd tend to this land
Nurture it with time
All to see you
Pluck fruit fresh from the vine
Careena Jun 2018
When the room was clear and stage was dark
I felt a pang inside my heart
As I looked to where you used to be
I sighed a familiar sigh

The sigh that knows your name
But does not need to utter the syllables
Because even if it is not said
It knows that I sigh for you
I cry for you
I'd lie for you
But I hide from you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
Every love song, in soprano
Serenades in smoky rooms
With low voices whispering in your ear
Soothing you into a trance
If you come closer, you can hear
My yearning voice for you
You can almost feel
My light touch across you dance

I compare stories of every love 
I have ever heard
To our tale, in my mind
Like a kindergartner trying to cut out a picture
Based on a pattern held with stubby hands
I line the edges up just right and see what fits into us

Oh, I look around and hope you are there
To notice me
To think of me
To dream as I do
As if I were the only girl you had ever loved
The only girl you are capable of loving
The only girl you want
But what can I give you?

I've waited a long time
And I'm pretty sure I'd wait again
Because I'm your fool
A jester 
That's performing only for your applause
For you to admire from the first row
To clap your hands and shout "Bravo!"
Circa 2015
Careena Jun 2018
I hated her
I used to
The way she silently scribbled of you
On used napkins with borrowed pens
Loving someone who would never return
It stung but she craved it
The rhymes helped with the burn

I hated the way that she cared
The way she held on
The way she was scared
Her lingering devotion
Hands tangled in wrought
Loved the way that she wrote
Hate the way that she thought

Now, I want to be her
Again, I always will be her
The one that documents asides
Of you, in the margins of my notebook
Of your curly thick locks
As they go from midnight to cloudy
As laugh lines settle
Into our seasoned smiles
As crow's feet form
On our twinkling eyes
I'll forever write of how you bewitch me
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