I hate the word love.
Not just for fun,
But because the last time I heard it,
it was from the mouth of my last boyfriend,
as he spat it out with such hatred,
and took every breath
from my lungs,
until my faced turned blue.

I learned the hard way.
He never loved me.
Never.
All he wanted to do was own me.
Use me as a trophy.

I was only 13 when my innocence was stolen from me.
When I learned
I love you
meant
Please me
and
I care about you
meant
I'm going to permanently destroy you

It's not my fault I hate the word.
It was ruined for me.
Not only did the word itself ended up damaged,
but so did I

I don't want to be loved.
I don't deserve to be loved.
At least that's what was constantly pushed into my head,
day by day.
I have too many insecurities now,
that I push people away before it can happen to me,
out of the fear of getting hurt

But then I met you

You broke down the walls I spent months building,
and accepted my insecurities.
Although my past experiences constantly try to destroy my future relationships,
You accept me for who I am.

For once I learned
I care about you
actually means
I ******* care about you
and
I love you
actually means
I ******* love you

I don't hate the word love anymore,
in fact,
I want to be loved
Not just by any random person though,
But by
*You