Life's become a lot like laying down... Laying down not because I'm sleepy  or exhausted, but because I'm tired in a way that's quite different from the norm.

I lay down, and everything seems to fade into obscurity. The light is hazed, and the background of my white ceiling is shadowed by my second sun.

This state, this sort of stasis, doesn't end when I have to get up. Everything is endless, and I don't know when I'll feel something. Days go by and all end the same.

It's like I've fallen down a rabbit hole, and I haven't hit the ground. My voice is weary from screaming and my eyes have gone dry. Every day I fall deeper and deeper, yet I haven't hit the bottom.

I'm tired of waiting. My life's always been about waiting. Waiting for love, for happiness, for success. I'm not waiting to hit the ground anymore. I'm just being. I am, I am, I am. I am tired.

While I've been spiraling into demise, I've realized a lot of things. Being stuck in this oblivious life gives me a lot of time to think and reflect. This way of living makes a mirror of a man. I no longer see only one shade of gray, although I would like to see some color.

I've been trying to change, I've been trying to live, and be happy. I've been blessed with beautiful people that care for me, but this is my battle, and I don't know when it's going to end. And it's not going to end with me having waited.

I can tell you the world is wrong. Good things don't come to those who wait. I have been waiting years, and the only good thing I've gotten was wisdom. Not the kind that comes from a spiritual awakening. The type of wisdom you get from being beaten by the world and surviving.

Now, I'm no starving child, but I might as well be dead.

I can't seem to live outside my head.

This fall is infinite, and I won't wait for the end.