I'd rather be afraid
Of what I'm afraid of
And not myself.

I'd rather fear
The weather and rain
And the thunder and the lightning,
Than fear something about myself
That I cannot fix.

But I'm labelled
Mentally ill
I'm labelled
A psychopath
I'm told I'm not well,

But this is the best I've been in years.

And I'm so afraid
I'm not the best I can be
But I'm getting better
In the only ways I know how.

Working harder at coping skills,
Falling asleep when I don't want to,
Waking up in general,
Wearing presentable clothes.

I'll be up-ing my medication
On Friday,
Because I need to be better,
I need to be stronger.

I need to be the very best
I can possibly be
For you,
For us,
For our future.

And I'm so afraid of the rain,
But I'd rather be afraid of the rain
Than afraid of myself.