He did not want it.
So he tells me.
He simply did what he could
A simple gift by Lady Fate
So he says, sheepishly.
He shrugs in nonchalance
Graceless in his apathy
Yet he is given the reward.
Why is that so, Destiny?
Why do you keep me searching for you?
Why do you smirk
As I am blinded and deafened in my pursuit for the light
Some clarity, an opportunity?
And you throw it in my face?
I could so easily be mad at you
I could so easily wail in agony
I could so easily grit my teeth and curse your existence
I could so easily abandon any pretence of control
Yet I do not.
I dare not vocalise these petty thoughts
I dare not challenge you, for I am at your every whim
But you cannot stop me from asking
You cannot prevent me from questioning
Why him, why not me?
What did he do so much better than I?
As he fakes illness and emotion
As he swaggers around in brilliant obnoxiousness
What is that one talent that I am without?
Must I lay my hands at your feet?
Must I praise your questionable presence?
Must I abuse and disregard you for some show of mercy?
They say one must wait
They say ‘Be patient, every dog has its day’
Then what am I?
A miserable dead unworthy hybrid
A perverse creation that ought not to exist
That it is not given a part in even one proverb in innumerable?
You desire that I let it get to me
You desire that I grow more impatient than usual
You ****** things away from reach so I sigh in resignation, as you laugh
Cruelly, in mockery of my fumbling limbs.
But I smile
I keep the thoughts in a little box sealed away
I gather every ounce of sincerity and joy
I collect my courage, I move my muscles
Enough to speak, to type, to send, to wish
To the blessed child of good fortune
‘Congratulations’.