I convinced myself so thoroughly I was under
surveillance that I was sure they were about to
storm into my life and change it permanently.
I keep seeing myself coming home to a house
raided, with the front door kicked in, ransacked
in their wasted efforts to find something I would
simply give them should they ask politely. This is
no way to live. No wonder
I have mental problems.
At least that's what I call them.
No psychiatrist ever attended to me
and the last time I sought counselling
they advised me to seek psychotherapy.
I don't have the money, all I have are these
substances
and the terror
that the threat of their discovery brings. God
help me; I'm terrified, I'm an addict, I'm lonely,
I'm paranoid, my head is ****** up and no one
could save me.