there is no getting rid of him

each day goes by and i wonder if i'm getting better or
losing myself in the hysteria

by now i thought he'd be dead, but each saving grace of his absence is met with my sorrow

and the devil always brings him back
******

a reminder that i failed

he is not mine, and i do not want him

if you are real, show me what it means to live
if you are real, take this heart and choke the blood out of it
if you are real, i ask you, to steal my breath and give it to the dying
who need it much more than i do

i am dead, i am dead
if there's anything i know, it's that i'm beyond saving

this is a plea to god,
who i know does not exist