I remember when there was a time
My camera got overheated
(Those boys didn't know what they were doing, it's true)
I drank whiskey neat
Texted you but turned my phone off
I felt content and glad
I gave a nurturing love
This was before you returned
And we like strangers
In a new town
Held hands and know not within
Or without.

I drink coffee
I bought some water
It's beautiful and strange to see my new boyfriends name at the top of the call sheet
And with the tips of my fiery fingers
Cannot help but challenge
In the wake of our sleep
But I do, I love you so much.
I know we both want it to happen for me.

I'm tired as ****
A song ironically played in the car
With the boy that drove us here
That once was your anthem
For how you left me
But it was you filled with regret
And I don't think or sing hymns of you anymore
One of my ladies, she couldn't help but speak trifling tales of lingering interaction of her past
I encouraged her to lead with love and grounding
Because I know her head is in the clouds
Or down behind bushes
I quietly push back the branches of her ego and think
That doesn't sound so cool, to me
But she voiced her lack of grounding
And I thought good good
Here's some of the love and validation you so seek
Now go.

And much with me
Though I stand firm
A gushing sound of my goodness
What you have done, what I have done
And lately I think
Wow. I really can do ******* anything
And it made all that fear
All that chaos
The months of my heart being vomited onto the table
And never once stopping to say
I'm sorry can I make you more comfortable
Or I'm sorry I should be smaller
None of it at all.

My mind is dark and deep
I imagine violence in mundane circumstances
Like I would blood in the snow
As we would wander through south Philadelphia with our cameras and our passion

That girl that loves to ask for no permission
Now
She's what I would call
Cool.