I should be sipping coffee
And hitting the pavement
For the next moment
But I'm so burnt out and tired
My bed looks more longing.

And I don't mean to be ill tempered
But I have tucked my tail beneath my legs
And in the moments where I can see the busy bee nest of both of our
Existences and worry and wonder
Can I?

I've never been such a we
And I'm really ******* trying
I got so good at taking care of me
And in the inside of my mind
I'll pick apart the tiniest things
And see you in those moments
In a hazy version in my mind
Not as a force that holds me back
Like the inexplicable amount before
But worry and wonder
Can I be responsible for your
Worries, your fears, your concerns too.

Maybe I'm just extremely selfish
I'll think
Or surrounded by *******
But I know me and I know the caverns
I disappear into at the height of newness
Opportunity
And I worry and wonder
Not a matter of whether or not you have your own cavern
But can we share our caves
Without staining the walls
With our blood
To paint out the pictures of what we have
And what we want.

I think the answer is yes
I want it to be so
And then a flurry of skeptical remarks will nag and whimper
Inside my complicated head
And it hurt me last night
That I'm actively trying to be better
But you couldn't really listen and respond
To what my teacher said after my work was shown.

I don't know.
I havent said that in a minute
But I do feel like everyone is up their own ***
And I get it
I do
Myself included
But I'm here
I've got cabin fever but don't want to leave
I should pack
But I've swallowed myself
In place.