Hope
What does that word even mean?
How am I supposed to have hope
In a world so broken
A world so
Hopeless

Pain
A word all too familiar
A word that is a part of me

Pain and hope
Cannot live side by side
They can not live together
In the same body

No matter how much I want to
Hope doesn't seem possible
Especially after being depressed
For almost two years straight

Maybe I am a hopeless case
Where pain always exists
And light is only a dream

Because this world is suffocating
With the standards
And sexualities
And expectations

I want to quit
I want to give up
I want to fall into nothingness

I don't want to live
I don't want to be in constant pain
I don't want to hardly breath

I don't know what to do
Because I hate this in between state
That I call life

I don't want to live
But I don't want to die
So where am I
What do you call this

How do I fix it
No amount of drugs seem to help
And I can't think straight
With these violent mood swings

I can't keep living like this
I can't keep fighting like this
It's exhausting
It's impossible

I'm lost
I'm broken
I'm hurting
I'm hopless
I'm pained

So what does hope mean?
How do I get it?
Does it even exist for me?
Does it exist at all.....?