I feel beautiful
but only when I'm hungry
Only when I can hear my stomach begging me to eat something
Only when I can feel myself losing weight
Only when they say, "you're getting to thin, you're doing great!"
Only when I'm drinking a bottle of water in the span of a minute so that I can be full
Only when I'm starving but I push the plate away.

I feel beautiful
But only when I'm counting calories
Only when I'm running that extra mile to stay slim

I feel beautiful
Until I'm looking down at my thighs and I see that they touch
Until a girl says how curvy I am when I'd just like to be flat and slim
Until I step on the scale and it laughs and says I've gains a few pounds

I feel beautiful
until I look at myself in a fullbody mirror and think, "GROSS"

I feel beautiful
when I haven't eaten for 3 days and no one notices
When I'm popping a rubber band to my wrist saying, "you're not hungry your just bored" over and over again
And my stomach replys, "I'm dying, why are you doing this, feed me"

I feel beautiful
Until the girl next to me is thinner than I am
Until daddy tells me I'm getting fat
Until I hear the boys in the distance say that they'd never, ever, ever date big girl

I feel beautiful
But only when I'm dying of starvation
Only when I'm literally empty on the inside

I felt beautiful
Until I realized that fat is an insult
And i wondered why
Do we not glide the same why?
Do our stretch marks make us inelegant?
Are we unladylike because we eat?

I feel beautiful until I don't anymore
Until beauty is too much in the eye of the beholder
Until I am not allowed to be the beholder
Until beauty is a category of waist size double zero

I feel beautiful
Because I'm allowed to
Because the number on the scale does not define Me
Because I Define me