It started out without my knowledge
with tight hugs and
shared coffee mugs
just friends, though
I never wanted our talks to end so
one thing led to another and
hugs led to kisses to touches to
so much more
and that one time
in the beginning
in that packed broadway bar where you never went
but this time you went for me,
spent money you didn't have
so you could spend more time with me,
that one time when you ended up
pushing me away and wouldn't meet my eye
because this was all so sudden
a second ago I was my own person
now I knew that I was yours because
it broke my heart not to see you smile
had I been in denial?
I just want to see you smile
I want to be the reason for that smile
love is just a chemical reaction

So you left yours and I abandoned mine
but is that really a good foundation
for a functioning life
together
I hope so I hope so I hope so
because I don't think about my past
but I can't know where your thoughts go
so I'm going to trust you
and I'm going to ignore what might be the truth
that you still talk about the last one
and you still talk to the previous one
and you still bump into that other one
you see, my chapters are read
I have seen, I have said
that I won't let them affect me
so how hard can it be to
not let all of yours affect, well, ours

You know, one day when I woke up in your bed
eyes still full of grit
nice thoughts in my head
your back turned on me
I accepted the role of the big spoon
her texts on your phone screen
before we'd even said good morning
made a shitstorm out of my good dream

I'm at yours alot, I know that
I write most of our conversations, guess I don't mind it
I feel slightly (very) inadequate, though
when I think of what you might say to her back home
when I compare myself to every. girl. you've. ******
and
every. girl. you. might want to *****
and
no one can undo a cherry they've plucked
because that's the way time works
so it's really not you, it's really just me
and you call me silly for thinking such things
and I know that I'm silly because
because I know you wouldn't just mess around with me
because you said so
you don't think I'm in the way or just
generally annoying to always stay
but I know that you make jokes when you're hurting
and I don't want you to hide from me
because that's burning me