I did not know that when I became open about being a lesbian That I had become a pornstar. I knew that I was already something that men could sink their teeth in But things got worse. I can still pinpoint the exact moment I wanted to retreat back to the closet And it’s ninth grade biology. I was sitting at a table talking to a friend “Yes, I am officially dating Mickie.” And all of a sudden a painful dart pierces the air. “Who is he?” I hated the way it felt when it broke into me so I corrected him. “He’s a she.” I can already see his ******* growing With images of me and my lover intertwined Something I hadn’t even thought of yet because the last thing on my mind was *** I was thinking about this week’s bio test. The darts kept coming as he asked about how lesbians have *** My love life became a corkboard I sat there accepting every dart that passed No matter how many times I asked him to stop He seemed to have an unlimited amount of darts His friend joined in on asking ****** questions Asking if he could see a photo of my girlfriend Asking how many times a day did she make my legs open Asking if I would still be down to **** him I learned that day that sometimes it’s better to lie. Sometimes saying “Yes I have a boyfriend,” Is easier than admitting that you’re a lesbian I still hesitate to tell straight men Because I am already just a piece of flesh from the sink their teeth in It seems that when they find out I am gay I just become a challenge I am a piece of prey that they see as stubborn I am nothing more than prey. I do not deserve any respect in their eyes If anything I should be respecting them by letting them inside I am their favorite **** category. Because thanks to various ****** they think that their **** can turn me Because my lover and I are just what they ******* to They think that my lover and I just **** all day That we are always willing to be men’s prey That because I am not a ‘butch’ I’m not really gay just wanting attention I am sick of being a **** category! I’m sick of being asked ****** questions whenever I say that I have a girlfriend There’s a problem when I’m hesitating on mentioning my girlfriend There’s a problem when I, A teenage girl who decides hold her girlfriend’s hand is public, Thinks that that’s the bravest thing she’s ever done. I hate having to message random men online Lying through my teeth saying “I have a boyfriend.” But it seems that they respect other men more than they respect my decisions. So to the boy in class who prefers to imagine me ******* my girlfriend than paying attention in biology, All I have to say to you is this That day I went home and I cried. I went home and considered being open all over again I considered my life. I wanted to be a writer and make her my favorite inspiration But it seems like my career has already been chosen I am the stubborn prey for you to sink your teeth in I am the girl you see as a challenge. No, I am not down to **** you off. No, I am not a ******* pornstar. No, you cannot watch. Now please, do me a favor. *******.
This is a bit of a rewrite, aka I completely rewrote it, of a poem I wrote when this event first took place. Hope you enjoy! If you have any feedback that you would like to give, I'd be happy to hear it!