I have a bad habit of sticking my head out of windows that don't belong to me swallowing smoke in the cold as I try to validate this existence the setting london sun has never been this orange and I can vividly remember you saying how wherever I go I seem to drink the color around me in a slapdash effort of being the most beautiful thing in the room and it doesn't work it never works
But now it's him and suddenly I'm looming over his warm body ripping everything off that isn't skin when god split us apart did he keep the notes he made on how to put us back together? because I hate this cold separation and I don't care if people stare at my neck the painting you left on my fleshy canvas and I don't care if you don't feel as much as this ash filled heart because I'll stay up late writing down everything you make me feel you sleep so close to the edge of your bed I worry you'll fall would bruises bring you more comfort than your arm around me? listen to this my sad ramblings in attempts to try and love you less I don't appreciate it when you look at me like that with your mischievous eyes Why do people say they fall in love? I'm being dragged weighed down with every nice word andΒ warm embrace
Everyone has a story they tell when they've had one too many I listen to them like radio shows on a forgotten channel and if you hang around someone long enough you see how they change I don't ever want to be your drunken tale the girl who loved you too hard you got scared the girl who felt everything with such intensity you fled
This love is deeper than any cut I've ever had they could severe both my hands and it wouldn't be as painful because you know my tendency to overthink and every goodbye could be final I try not to let it get to me when I'm alone and the only light is that filtered yellow from streetlamps
I can't help but notice you don't look at me when you sing but instead close your eyes as your fingers speak more than your words more than any message you've ever left me at 2 AM I can't help but notice how you're all I seem to think about
Corridors lined with paintings but all I seem to stare at is you Rooms full of music I just want to listen to you My current self curses my past at the memory of her lust filled wants Such a stupid little girl unaware of the tidings love would actually bring down upon me like hellfire like hail now even organic connections don't do you justice because no offense to the moon, sun, or all of the stars but you're more beautiful than anything I could have ever dreamed I just wonder if you feel the same