Tilt and tumble down the slide.
Why not go two at a time?
Link your tubes! Enjoy the ride!
Run and jump into the pool.
Dive head first! You're so cool.
Safety is a stupid rule,
So why must you abide?

Say you don't know how to swim?
That's all right, jump on in!
That's the best way to begin.
Floaties are the best solution--
Swimming's equal substitution.
But hey, you drowning helps our evolution!
Too bad I'm your guardian.