Today I had anxiety.
I tried to hide it away,
But you caught on quickly.
You allowed me to cry on you.
I rarely ask for help.
I'm sorry.

Today my dad had a seizure.
I didn't tell you about it.
I just wallowed alone.
You were having a good day.
I didn't want to ruin it.
You thought I was mad.
I'm sorry.

Today I acted strange.
I woke up feeling sad.
You couldn't cheer me up.
You thought you did something.
I sliced myself this morning.
I became ashamed and couldn't see you.
I'm sorry.

Today was a tornado of pain.
My grandpa is dying.
My grandma is getting better.
My dad is dying.
My brother is stuck and is suicidal.
His words were,
"You'll find my body hanging in that room".
I'm sorry.

I started at my box cutter.
Contemplating death.
Thinking of slicing my skin.
Bleeding out the pain and letting go.
Then he started crying.
I texted you.
I'm so sorry.
I regret it.

I told you my thoughts.
I cried my heart out.
You did your best to comfort me.
But then that time came.
You did what I knew you would.
"He" came home, so you gave up.
I couldn't reach you.
I was left alone.
I cried in the dark.
I'm sorry.

That scarf you gave me,
Would make a good noose.
I no longer exist or matter when he's around.
I'm another person with another problem.
I'm another burden just like I thought.
I'm just ruining your happiness.
That's what I do.
That's why I can't have a good friendship.
I can't be a good friend.
I can only destroy you.
I'm sorry.

You're all I have.
I'm sorry.