These hands of mine are shaking violent

Quaking as tidal waves of doubt wash through me

My insecurities eat me up inside as I try

To tell you how I feel like I’m not real and

How I know that if I were to go away

You wouldn’t know any better than if I stayed

And if I cry I might as well

Just tell you about the hell I’m

Living in because my tears show

What my eyes and mouth will never tell they hold

The remnants of my innocent soul and

That’s not something I have much left of due to

The pain I’ve been in all these years the

Suicidal thoughts the ideation all the

Lies and trials and tribulations I’ve

Had to go through all alone

But it was really by choice now

Wasn’t it when I said

That I was fine

And didn’t let you in my mind

I say it was because I felt

Too insecure to share too anxious

To speak of all my thoughts as if

It was Pandora’s box for

The evil in my brain

So instead my hands shake and you ask me

Why do they tremble when all the wind is gone

And it is silent

And I close my eyes to block the tears and tell you just

As those we love are with us

So is all the fear of

Yesterday it was dark and windy and raining and storming

And all around me there were demons howling and I was

Crying and screaming and bleeding but it was me

My fault

I choked