I know I should be sorry
I know I should feel bad
Because here I am doing the thing
I said I'd never do again.
I said I wouldn't hurt myself
But that's been bullshit all along.
The only thing that kept me clean
Was knowing that if I slipped
I'd be hurting more than just me.
But now I'm sitting here
Like I have so many times
Tearing at my skin
For a glimpse
Of sweet relief.
In the grand scheme of things
A few small scrapes
Doesn't make a difference.
It's nothing dangerous
And it's not hurting anyone
It's just a way for me to silence
The monsters in me.
I don't care anymore
About taking care of me
I'll do what I want
Even if it kills me.
I'll do what I want
Even if it means
ruining nine months
Of a fleeting fantasy