I watched everyone leave and go to the party tonight.
With such love and good intentions
They hugged me and said farewell
"Why can't you come? I wish you were coming."
Such love. Such immense love.

But I couldn't go
I didn't want to go.
Because you are there.

'Bout 33 days now
Ish.
My eyes are so ******* tired
What a weekend
I'm so surrounded by love, fierceness
They grab my hand and say such sweet words
I hope the things I say make sense.

My room mate just spoke to me for the first time in a while
High waisted jeans, she real defensive
I'm so low key, cool collected
Its awfully hard to dislike the woman
Everyone so adores.

But I blow it off, I move past it all
I chose to go the opposite way.

Truly ninjas about it all.

Cannot even fully process or fathom it all
Beautiful Innovator calls me on the phone
I hate to even give this one a name
I hate that they all have names now
Like decayed skeletons or old socks
Piling up in my drawer.

I just didn't really know you.
I didn't.
A photo posted
I remember, I remember
That was the literal worst night of my life.

You expected so much
You were so angry I was so distant
I was disrespected and treated like a stranger
I pushed my **** up so high
I wanted to make you sick
You were never really mine
And I was never really his.

Sleep, once again I long for you
I run around and move backwards
I've never known such positive love
Not sure what to do with all of it.

Not sure what to do with all of it
So I fold it up, I carry it close
For moments or times I feel lost
As I hop in my own car with my own friends
Not connected to the past
The past that longs for hot summers
Full of art and platonic friendship
But I couldn't go sit and look at you
Have you try to have a moment
And showcase your new prospect.

I just am so weary
So wary of it all
But God bless.

Eh.
Not missin' much
Truly.
But I know, you will notice
Everyone came
But I chose to stay away
With nothing but love and self preservation
In my heart.
And in my soul.