On that brisk November Saturday afternoon, did you know I would respond to your text as I left work? you'd only sent a few hours ago, but I was already too late.

Did you know that when I got home, sat on the couch, and browsed facebook, the color in my face would drain as I recieved the news? A vague status about praying for your family made my brows furrow with confusion.

Did you know that I would check the details multiple times, looking for something to tell me it wasn't true? I would wait for someone to tell me it was just a misunderstanding.

Did you know I would wait around for your name to show up on my phone, like it did everyday? Out of instinct I would check my phone every few minutes waiting for your repsonse, my fingers aching when I realized it would never come.

Did you know that would be the longest night of my life? Between crying and screaming your name and talking to our friends on the phone, I would be up all night until the sun rose.

Did you know I would get blamed? That's probably what you wanted.

Did you know that your mother and father would stand at your feet, hugging each person who came to see you? They clung to every single person with what little strength they had left.

Did you know that looking down at your lifeless body would make my hands quiver and my stomach turn? There was so much pain it was almost like feeling entirely numb.

Did you know that the blue flannel you would wear would cover up your butterfly tattoo? The one you got for me. I wanted to see it one more time.

Did you know how I would long to reach out and touch your scruffy face, just one last time? And did you know that as I turned and walked away, my knees would give out and I would collapse, needing picked up off the floor.

Did you know that Batman would show up, long enough to make an appearance and leave? He came and made his appearance known, standing up front talking to your parents. Then he turned and walked out.

Did you know that as they sat your body there to be put in the ground, I would run to you? my feet beyond my control, hitting the cold hard ground fast. Every inch of my insides screamed "No" as warm tears fell off my chin.

Did you know that night would be my first time drunk? I drank to minimize the pain I couldn't run away from.

Did you know every month between then and now would go by in a blur? The only thing I can remember is the panic attacks that overcome me at any given time.

Did you know that I would blame myself?

Did you think this through at all before going through with it? I have to believe that if you knew these things you wouldn't have done what you did, because I have to believe that you loved me like you said you did. you never would have left me here to pick up the pieces like this.