Snow drifts and piles up in cake like clouds
Running outside is not a realistic option on this day
I cannot help but wonder what you must be saying
Playing, trying to move past my face, my eyes.

I stop searching, leaning on validation
You perhaps kiss another's lips
I wonder how many times you have texted me
But I will never know.

Gotta stay strong with my choice
It was so hard for you to stop and say
And free me for the final time
You knew what it meant if you did
But it looked and felt so good for you to look in my eyes--
You expressed, because you just--
You enjoy my company so much.

I wonder when I will hit the brink
Of not writing or having you take up my insides
My mother and room mate yell at the heavens
About what you have done to my soul, my brain
Polluted me, damage
When we all thought
We all hoped
We all knew, I think.

I don't wanna do anything today
I wanna go hit the town tonight
I'll never send you another poem
Ever again.

What a relief.

I wept and circulated
Believing that was me, thats me
I don't know why I have found myself here so many times
But I pick myself back up
Driving and flying past
Your little "ugly mug"
On the train
And your mouth twitched
As I left.

If I hadn't
If I didn't
In two weeks time
You'd be right back in my bed again.

I don't want to be your friend.

I don't know what else there is to say
Perhaps nothing at all.
Everyone around me salutes
I wish it was all clean and safe
We tried and we tried
I tried.

I'm so sick
And I'm so tired
I'm so just done
I stop crawling out of the little lost lagoon
Walking away only to return again
Fighting and needing reassurance
From 9 pairs of eyes
I don't wanna be your manager
I don't wanna be your girlfriend
I don't wanna be your "nothing better yet"


Because I'm everything.