I hate how I always need validation
> Like the implication of insecurities are the only assurity that I'll never be alone
>
> Sometimes self love stops at *******
>
> Like the only time I love myself is when I can make myself feel the drastic *******, sensation
> Like the only vacation is ejactulation
> Otherwise the frustration is unbearable
>
> I try to remind myself that true wealth and real health is all about self help, but still I cry out that I am lonely
>
> Sometimes I wonder if being under the covers and under another is the only time I will ever feel whole,
> But deep down I know
> That filling a hole will never fill the hole left by feeling inferior
>
> Sometimes I find security in insecurities
> Sometimes feeling lonesome is the only way I can be alone, and still feel my home is not abandonment
>
> For once I feel the need to not need to succeed in the Greed of another's arms
> Cause being charmed should leave me alarmed but sadly even when I'm harmed I feel more loved than not bein used
>
> Not being bruised or subdued by being seduced, when I know deep down the only truth is that I don't love myself enough
>
> I find it tough to find self worth without some kind of self hurt or without being heard that I am loved
> Or that I'm needed
> But being needed is equivalent to be self defeated, to being depleted, and so I'm scared that I need it just to feel wanted
>
> To feel valued, or feel I am not cursed to be submerged on earth, with no worth, unless I feel first a loving embrace
>
> So I tell myself not to chase a fate without faith and instead of hating my own face, see how great I am and can be
> Without a strangers company, but it's strange to me as I am estranged from self love
>
> So leave the words above and beyond for those who feel they don't belong and let them know that they too can be strong
>
> Strong enough to see that you are enough for u
> And that I too have accrued the same attitude and crude mood of feeling desperation but refuse
>
> Refuse to being locked in a dungeon mocked by my own destruction
> And hope u release yourself as I do from it's abduction
>
> Released from the disease of the need to feel wanted or being left haunted by self hatred
> So I stand here naked, and sedated by leaving castrated the inflated loneliness narrated by my own self consciousness
> And leave only the promise of feeling self love that's honest even if it's only prompted from within
>
> And will no longer entertain the pain of feeling strain from stains left from
> A mundane train of thought
> Exhausted from feeling not good enough ...
>
>