I never meant to hurt him
I didn't plan to leave
I didn't plan anything then
I never thought about the consequences of my actions
If I stayed I would have ended up married young
Possibly divorced by now
I would have gotten pregnant with a child I didn't want
which would have left me stuck
It wouldn't have been the right choice for my life to stay
It wouldn't have been fair to him to make him settle
when he has so much to offer this world
I know I seem selfish
I know he thinks of me as heartless
I am not scared of love
I grew up
I can't just take risks and hope that I live happily ever after
Life doesn't work that way
I know I disgust him
I know I can never be forgiven
I should have been honest with him
but I didn't want to hurt him
A part of me will always love him
My feelings for him have not changed
I just needed to know if there was more for me out there
Turns out there is
I have found happiness and success in California
Yet none of it could ever fill the hole I have inside of my chest
from missing him so much
I ******* up
He's right
There is nothing I can do to fix the damage I have caused him