for so long
time felt long
the world felt smaller
and continuously getting smaller
scarier
tinier
to the point where under a microscope we were non-existent
all of us
our intricate lives
layed out on a map
unvarying and predictable
shapes and blocks
moving around
perpetually abiding by a broken system
a broken record
spinning
repeating the same words
same stories
differences and nuances blurred
things are only what they seem
lenses turned only to one dial
afraid to look further
in fear that its only imagination
or fear that imagination
is a waste of time even

after a lifetime
of passion
of poetry
the world became passionless
dull
and i believed
that is how it was
and how it ought to be
if we were going to
"get anything done"

now i see
or am starting to
that life isn't about doing things
it's about the feelings
the little nuances
the little notes
the little faces
the little smiles

i forgot to smile at strangers
or i tried
but i couldn't
it all seemed so pointless
drowning in the world's sorrow
is a serious endeavor
one that requires another type of imagination
one that imagines
the pain in everyones life
and in every ****** expression
detecting scorn and contempt

could not to love too much
unable to be enthusiastic
the world seemed
too sad
my heart
had no energy for beautiful things

i cant deny that i saw those beautiful gems
in people helping each other
in an animals' eyes
in a book or a speech
in a person's kindness
but all the muchness was gone

and for every sadness
i couldn't be the change
i didn't believe that i could
that i was powerful
even if i wanted to
believe that i was beautiful
or that i was important
or that anything was

and maybe i will never know
based on a scientific proof
or spiritual realization
but i will know some truth
from somewhere deep inside me

so i will keep on searching
in the world that is now expanding
opening up to me like a flower
spreading it's arms open wide to a big hug
taking off its layers for me so i can see the blossoms inside
the intricate details of life
my lens is shifting and changes are coming
changes
i am looking for the changes