I want to go home but I’ve never really had one 

Home has always been a wasted place full of lies and burdens, talking yet never listening 

When the time comes to leave I’ll only remember how I placed home in a body that couldn’t love the preciousness In a goodbye, the awakening in a hello

When my problems become unbearable I tend to make myself out to be the righteous one, the innocent one

I didn’t want to kiss him, didn’t want to do anything with him yet I still took those steps

The alcohol helped but the clarity through the haziness should’ve halted me 

The process begins with an internal emotional breakdown, mind goes numb, fingers tingle and the heart races 

Thoughts point to “it’s already ****** so why not **** it up more?”

I just want it to hurt, feel the pain I deserve for what I’ve done 

Pleasure doesn’t phase me anymore 

My mind is so delusional these days that I can’t tell what is wrong or right, if I’m making up the issues in my head. Subconsciously Exaggerating them for my personal advantage 

Which is why I always go back 
Back to the lies, lack of love, hardness, tight grips and hateful kisses 

Does he find weak minded girls because he knows they’ll never have the strength to leave? 

Stuck thinking this is love, rough and hatefully passionate but never soft 

Take me, take everything I have, mind and body, do whatever you want to it 

Because I’ve been taught love is giving, giving everything you have until you have nothing 

Take my dignity and pleasure

Leave me with bruises, shame and a numbness that courses through my every cell 

it means he cares