BEFORE

I had the dream where i was begging you
to stay:
It began like any other, with the sky swirling in the shades of grief. This is the dream where i wrap my legs around your back because I know you're trying to leave, where i kiss your neck and tell you, "This is what love is, this is how good men only get better", but it's also the dream where you remind me you were never a good man to begin with. I said I wish you'd beg for me, but it is easy to see you are no beggar, you are the wealthy man with a heart so cold he can't even spare a glance.

AFTER

I had the dream where i was begging you to stay-but i woke up. I woke up into the world where you won't look me in the eyes unless you're asking for something. This is the world where your mother wants you to find a good girl and settle down, but you convince yourself there are no good girls, even if they're only bad for you. This is the world where I have so much love to give but have no one worth giving it to. But this is also the world where I can see through clear eyes, eyes that aren't clouded by the euphoria of your temporary touch. When I opened my eyes this morning, I wanted nothing more than to relive that dream; but I opened my eyes to a lot more than I knew; I opened my eyes to the memory of when you told me you were worried about what your friends would think. Or to the time you told my best friend that I would "never have to know." To when you couldn't stand to see me with anyone else, so you ended my last three relationships. Or when I wished that pregnancy scare was real, just so I'd have a part of you. To the day that my mother said I have a saving complex. But my eyes also opened to the fact that you never needed saving.

NOW**

Furthermore, I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for in life, even if it's at the bottom of a pill bottle. I hope that the next time you get lonely, you don't find me. I hope you go back to school, and find whatever it is your good at. I hope you don't miss me, or at least don't tell me. I hope you go back to church, and I hope you find a good girl to settle down with. I hope you don't take any more years away from a girl who wants to spend the rest of them with you. I hope you think of me when you walk in a theater, or when you take a new girl into the spare bedroom of the house next door. I hope that when you're old and dying, and you think of your biggest regrets in life, that I come to mind. But most of all, I hope the world treats you well.