I've always thought my appearance odd
My eyes and eyebrows are dark yet my hair is light
And recently I've started to make connections
Between the personality on the surface
And the person I keep to myself
"The eyes are the window to the soul"
Maybe that's why mine are so dark.

Have you ever had to look someone you love in the eyes and lie
Because the truth is a bomb shell
And you're not ready for the shrapnel
And maybe you didn't drop it because you want to protect them
And maybe you didn't drop it because you want to save yourself

But I told him that scars were something else
And my stomach hurt
And I was tired
But I didn't tell him that last night my hands were steady when I did something that I swore I'd never do again

I hate when my best friend says hi to him
Because we can only pretend that the other doesn't exist
And for once I wish that the looks he gave me were saturated with anger
Instead of blank stares followed with down shifting eyes
Following an unspoken agreement
That I'm invisible
And 'we' never happened

Have you ever replayed scenes in your head
Because maybe there will be a time when the story changes
And you're the hero
Instead of the antagonist
I always think of the times when we were together
And how badly I messed up
And if I could go back in time
I'd be able to see the color of your eyes tomorrow

Sometimes I sit under the Christmas lights in my room and think about how much you'd love them
And I look out the window
Waiting for you
But darkness is a thick veil
And the only thing to break it is fire
But the matchbox that sits on my bedside table is empty

They say that darkness is just an absence of light
By that definition sadness would be a lack of happiness
Then why do I feel this sadness infecting my chest like a plague with no cure
And if coldness is just a lack of heat then does that mean loneliness is just an absence of you

It's become hard for me to cry
Maybe because most of my emotions are blocked
Or maybe my tear ducks are
That would explain why my head is pounding and it feels like I'm underwater
I wish I could say my eyes are swimming
But instead they're tinged with red
And the only tears are coming from broken skin

Sometimes the animals that stalk me at night wake up too early
And I'm running and hiding before I'm ready
And the words are tumbling out of my mouth before my tongue can catch them
The battle rages on:
They use my ribs as shields
And my bones as ammo

I hate the fact that I never told you I loved you
Maybe if I said it then I would've believed it
And I wouldn't have had to tell you that it's over
And when my friend told her sister that we broke up because I wasn't happy
Her sister was content
But I wasn't

The apologies I wrote never made it to your mailbox
But instead sit on my desk
Collecting dust
Like the dust that sits on my brain
They were worthless anyways
I could never fix a broken heart that has already been repaired crooked

I've been waiting for someone to ask why my eyes are so dark
And my hair so light
Because i would tell them
That you learn the most about someone by their eyes
And when someone's eye color is your favorite color
Then you shouldn't forget to tell them that you love them
Because I never told him that I never liked brown eyes until we met
And now I'll never get to see them again
bmh