three years since i got so scarred up
from beating my head against a wall
and a blade against my wrist
and i've still not quite figured out how
to hit rock bottom with a ladder
instead of a shovel.
it's all i've ever known how to do,
i've been in a steady decline like the
***** of a line and
i fear the line will go on forever
unless i end it myself.
i could end it with a gun to my head,
a noose around my neck,
alcohol poisoning my liver,
anything to **** the thoughts inside my head.
i wish i could say i've survived this onslaught
of thoughts
but it just keeps battering against the walls
of my head,
slamming into them in a way
that leaves me all too ******.
maybe that's why i live so recklessly,
because these walls of my head
have only reflected what's inside and even
when i turn all the mirrors around i can't escape.
i don't have to look in the mirror
anymore to be well acquainted
with the demons inside my head,
i know they're sitting on my shoulders
holding a knife to my throat and
a gun to my head.