I wake up in the morning
With the alarm clock going off
The Major League would hire me
If they got a look at that toss

Landing perfectly in the trash
On the other side of the room
Didn't wake up then
Till mid-afternoon

Pretty sure for certain
My boss is wondering why me he hired
On the job less than a week
And already on the verge of being fired

Forgot to pay my phone bill
So I couldn't give him a call
Seems the only thing I do right
Is doing wrong

Too cheap to buy flowers
So I pick them out in left field
Right next to the honey patch
With bees munching their meals

Brought them home to my girlfriend
Who proceeded to sneeze and cough
With a case of hay fever
This didn't go over as well as I thought

Her sneezing also interrupted
The bees in the bunch
Sticking their heads out from
The middle of lunch

That's when Miss Noisy
Was repeatedly stung
Seems the only thing I do right
Is doing wrong

Needing to withdraw my measly savings
I head down to the bank
Step inside and holler HOLD UP
As I was running late

All the tellers they screamed
And pointed accusingly at me
As I stood there in the middle
Of all the melee

The cops roughed me and cuffed me
And took me to jail
With no boss and no girlfriend
To pay on my bail

Now here I sit in the slammer
With no idea of how long
Seems the only thing I do right
Is doing wrong