I remember how it hurt –
to look at him
to look into those eyes that are looking at somebody else's.

Have you ever felt such pain?
overwhelming
you can feel it in your bones
A sensation that fascinates
How it could numb every part of the body
crippling you to bed,
day in
day out
Screaming in silence

Wonder how I was still able to breathe
how I was still alive
even though I died inside
I had to be dead and gone.
I was done for.

The feeling that no exaggeration could come close
to describe what it was
No words can ever be so comforting.

I wanted him back.
That’s all I cared about.

Caught in the middle of looking back and moving forward.
I was stuck in love.
The past was, for a moment, inviting.

Love is such a gamble, they say.
And I was one of those people
who fell victim to this kind of game.
He was my everything.
WAS
I was inexplicably deep in love with him.  

I remember him saying, “I love you” and I’d answer him back with “I love you more” and we’d keep going at it who loves each other more.

In the end, it was I who won, and it was the saddest victory I ever had.