The fact that the sound of his voice now makes my insides hurt.
I have to wean my enthusiasm. Taper my excitement - in order to better accommodate for disappointment.
And I’m fearful of this feeling I get.
Like I need to brace myself for something that’ll be painful.
Should I trust my feminine instincts?
Or am I just a self fulfilling prophecy.

Will I push too hard instead of pulling him closer for comfort.
But I could try numbing again for a bit, until he can breathe again.
Because I’m sure it’s my fault. Maybe I’m being paranoid -
and I suffocate when I get paranoid. It’s a reflex.
I should have savored the moments of dissociation more.
I could use a break from this body.

actlikeeverythingisokayandeventuallyitwillbe. dontbecrazy. dontactinspite. dontmatchmatchhurtforhurt. thingswontseemssobadafteragoodmealandanightofsleep. peacepromise.