Okay. I am going to talk now.
And I'm not gonna be poetic
Rhyme, or make lines or stanzas. I'm just gonna talk. Because this is MY life, and MY opinion and this is a website where I can get out MY feelings. And I shouldn't have to feel like putting up a filter. I don't feel all that special, not standing next to some people. I feel like, like I'm not someone that you'd say "wow I like your outfit" or "wow I like your voice". Because guess what. I wear lame tee shirts from football games three years ago with jean shorts because I don't have TIME or money to shop for appealing clothes to where I can express myself. I can't make an aesthetic. My parents are always telling me how much of a selfish person I used to be. So I DONT ASK for clothes anymore. If I did, it would be so out of the ordinary, the answer would be a painful no. But this isn't about clothes. It's about Never being noticed. I swear sometimes I am wearing the invisibility cloak from Harry Potter. I know quite a few people with a list TO THEIR KNEES on how many people they KNOW care about them. People they can say for SURE care about them. My list. Well you can't call two or three people a list can you? Maybe it's because I don't have those characteristics that draw people to me. I don't have that "strong presence". I don't. I am Miranda Kramer. A junior who looks more like a freshman. When I talk, people don't turn their head to look. When I speak, I find over and over again people talk over me. So, naturally, I don't talk as much as I used to. Yes, rejection is a fear of mine, and so is being ignored. Being replaceable. And YES I wrote a poem about this before, but I don't think I can stress enough that I don't have that twinkle in my eye. I don't have the cute smile that lights up the world. I can't list a single thing that makes me unique, yet I know I am. I know everyone is. But is it true or not that some people are more unique than others? Imagine a sapling. A cute, small, unique pine sapling. Now picture that sapling sitting at the root of a giant oak tree. No one sees the sapling anymore do they? Well that's how I feel compared to most everyone else. People who feel loved, who KNOW people care about you, I am so happy you have that list. I hope you keep adding to it. I'll sit here. Holding the pencil in my sweaty hand, anxious, because I can't tell if that person cares about me. Do they? Or am I forgettable? Am I forgettable? Am I? I can't really tell anymore. I can't really tell anymore