Everything I own in my home
Came from mail order catalogs
From the authentic Star Trek front door knocker
To the Lavender bear rug in the hall

Some may say I'm a nerd
Truth be known I just don't like shopping at the mall
The selection in this weeks issue is outrageously sweet
Place your order fast, do not stall

Just name your collection they come complete
Darth Vader bean bags, plus Yoda sheets
Only Mail order can you find a Chartreuse scarf
In the store they tried to sell me yellow, it just made me ****

And with Finger Hut having daily specials
From hot air balloons for hamsters to Jacuzzi fish bowls
There's no need to question my answer
Just mark it all down as sold

With UPS and FedEx these days knocking down my door
I barely have time to open up my mail order score
As piles and piles of boxes are taking over my rooms
I pull out the latest magazine and place my order for June