I grew up with fistfuls of gravel,
concrete eyes,
and steel knees;
My bed time stories
were slurred whispers,
"Hold steady"
and
"Stay calm
through the pain";
I knew the eerie discomfort
of that lump in my throat,
the one that grew
from holding back tears,
before I knew how the
salt water tasted
when it rolled off my lashes
and down to my bottom lip;
By the time I was 16
my knuckles were
calloused and bleeding
from digging into my spine
so hard for so long,
forcing myself to stand up straight,
even when my thighs were
shaking with exhaustion

So please forgive
my sharp edges
and rough hands.
I know my kisses
taste like metal
but I was raised to bite my tongue,
Please forgive me.
I cannot say,
"I love you"
and I know how you ache
to hear me exhale
it into the dark
of your bedroom,
But please be patient
as my lips
learn the
pattern of those
words in succession
for the first time;

My whole life
has been grey
and pavement/
You are green eyes,
pink elbows,
coconut teeth,
snow covered Sundays,
sun drenched windowsills,
And you make me want to feel.
So please accept me,
apologies, lose ends & dry eyes.
Please accept me and
please don't leave me grey